Traiturous Love
by Angry Warrior
Summary: Episode addition to 'Repression'.
1. Chapter 1

Traitorous Love

Part i

by: AW

Rated: M

Length: 3,378

Date: January 2010

Summary: Episode addition to 'Repression'.

Disclaimer: I don't own them, but the twisted story is mine.

The Bridge was quiet, it was a boring day. Chakotay looked at the two best friends that occupied their posts, even they weren't talking.

Kathryn had disappeared not long after shift started marooning herself in the ready room, and she had not been out since.

That had been three hours ago.

Chakotay sighed and looked to Tuvok, "Commander, you have the bridge, I'll be in the ready room."

Chakotay walked over to the ready room and Harry and Tom exchanged a look. They were worried about her.

The previous night she had been the topic of conversation.

 _"She just hasn't been the same since that mock mutiny brought on by Teero."_

 _"I know Tom, I have no idea what's gotten into her; or what happened that day that got her into such a mood."_

 _"Harry, I've been so concerned and so has everyone else that I've even asked B'Elanna to look into it, but she refuses something about 'not wanting to intrude on the Captain's privacy'."_

 _Harry shrugged, "I just don't know Tom. She's always been a sort of enigma to most of the crew - except maybe Chakotay - and I'm not going there."_

Back on the bridge the two just looked at each other and then to Chakotay.

He chimed again. "Go away Chakotay I don't want to talk to you."

Everyone on the bridge heard the order and at the same time saw the pain in Chakotay's eyes. They watched as he punched in the override code and made his way into the privacy of the Captain's ready room.

[Ready Room]

Kathryn watched as Chakotay walked in unwelcomed. He had used his override codes to come in, and all she could think was that maybe she should have taken them away from him after the mutiny attempt 5 weeks ago. "I told you I didn't want to see you."

Chakotay stared at her, "Well that's too bad: We have to clear this up."

She glared at him, "You took my ship, stole my authority and raped me and you think that we have to 'clear this up'."

"You know that nothing that happened that day was under my control, we were working as we had in another life as Maquis."

Kathryn laughed sardonically, "So you mean that behavior such as that was normal six years ago?"

Chakotay shook his head, "Kathryn...that's unfair."

"Unfair, how can you think that I'm being unfair to you: I trusted you, I loved you and you betrayed me." She looked down and then raised her head, "Get out!"

Chakotay was speechless as he stared at Kathryn once more and exited the Ready Room.

[2 Weeks Later - Janeway Quarters]

B'Elanna stood outside the Captain's quarters trying to decide whether she should invade the Captain's privacy or not. She rang the chime and there was no answer.

B'Elanna waited another 30 seconds and then when there was no answer asked the computer for the Captain's whereabouts.

It told her she was in the mess hall.

B'Elanna shook her head and took off for the mess hall.

As B'Elanna walked the corridors headed to the mess hall all she could remember was her conversation with Tom the night before.

 _"She's not herself."_

 _"She is who she is Tom: She keeps everything to herself and nothing gets revealed unless absolutely necessary."_

 _"She's pregnant B'E, and it's Chakotay's baby. And if you time it right, it was when he was possessed by Teero."_

 _B'Elanna let a sharp intake of breath escape her and stared at her husband. "Maybe something happened that day that none of us knew about."_

[Mess Hall - 0030 hours]

B'Elanna continued on her way to the mess hall, and slowly walked in.

Janeway was sitting in the corner crying, there was no one else there at this time of night.

B'Elanna slowly walked up to the older woman and put a hand on her shoulder. Kathryn's bright blue eyes, fresh with tears looked up at her Chief Engineer. "I'm sorry B'Elanna you shouldn't have to see me this way."

B'Elanna looked at her with sorrow in her eyes, "No I'm sorry I shouldn't have disturbed you."

Kathryn shook her head, "No it's okay I probably need someone to talk to anyway."

B'Elanna nodded and took the woman's hand in a gesture of comfort as she sat down on the couch beside her. "I'm sorry this happened to you Captain, but he loves you; you know that right?"

Kathryn looked puzzled at B'Elanna, "You know."

B'Elanna shook her head. "Tom checked into it, he was worried about you and saw that you had been to visit the doctor earlier this week."

Kathryn put her head in her hands, "Oh god Tom knows, this is going to be all over the ship before the day is over."

B'Elanna put her hands up, "He wouldn't betray your confidence, but I think that you and Chakotay need to talk about this."

Kathryn wiped the tears from her eyes and raised her hand to her commbadge, as she smiled at B'Elanna. "Janeway to Chakotay."

She heard his tired voice over the commline. "Chakotay here, what's wrong Captain?"

"It's just Kathryn, I was wondering if I could meet you in your quarters for a chat?"

She heard the hesitation over the line. "Any time Kathryn."

Kathryn forced herself to look presentable and made her way to Chakotay's Quarters. She rang the bell and waited for an answer.

Finally he came to the door looking as if he had just climbed out of bed. "Kathryn, come in."

He stared at her, she looked upset. "What happened?"

"We have to talk about what happened that day with Teero."

He sighed, "I'm sorry, I never meant for anything to happen like it did."

Kathryn nodded, "I know." She paused and collected her thoughts, "I got an interesting visit from B'Elanna in the mess hall tonight."

Chakotay shook his head, "You never sleep do you Kathryn."

She sighed, "Well it's going to have to stop in the next few months; if the baby is going to arrive in good health."

Chakotay covered his face with his hands. "Oh my god, did I do that to you?"

Kathryn had tears in her eyes as she nodded, "Yes and we're going to have to talk about this. We're going to have to work this through if we want to make it work."

He took her hands and stared into her eyes, "I'm so sorry Kathryn, I wasn't myself: Know that I'd never do anything like that to you if I was in my right mind."

Kathryn nodded as if accepting but stared at him, "This is going to take me a while to work through Chakotay, you can't push me."

Chakotay bit his bottom lip, "Does this mean you're going to keep the baby?"

"It means I have to think about a lot of stuff before I make the decision."

Chakotay nodded knowing at this point he couldn't push her, "Okay, well remember Kathryn, I'll always be there for you."

Kathryn nodded, "I know." And she walked out before she lost it again and thought about the pregnancy as a baby and not as a monumental mistake.

[7 weeks later - Kathryn's Quarters]

Kathryn had been to see the doctor today. It was her 12 week checkup, she was starting to show.

When she had spoken to the doctor he had told her that if it was her decision to terminate it would have to be in the next week or two.

Kathryn ran a hand over her belly that had begun showing signs of a baby on the way.

She sighed and got up to get some coffee from the replicator. *I'm really going to have to cut down my coffee intake.*

And it was then that Kathryn realized she was going to keep the child and she had made the decision a long time before.

Kathryn dropped into her bed and slowly fell into an exhausted sleep.

Three hours later there was a chime from her door and she wondered who dare bother her at this hour.

The door opened to reveal Tom Paris.

She scrunched up her eyes in confusion and stared at him, "Can I help you Mr. Paris."

Tom shook his head and stated, "But maybe I can help you."

Kathryn tilted her head in questioning and pointed to the couch. As she ran her hand down her front she was aware of the noticeable bump of her belly and blushed at Tom's scrutiny.

"You know you can't keep this a secret for much longer."

Kathryn nodded her head in acquiescence and put her hand to her abdomen where she could have sworn she had felt movement. Her bright blue eyes stared up at Tom in a curious look. "I think the baby just moved."

Tom nodded, "About time too, how far along are you? Almost 13 weeks?"

Kathryn slowly nodded in wonderment and opened her mouth to answer but Tom was gone.

She hit her commbadge and beckoned for Chakotay to come to her quarters. She realized she was wearing nothing more than a flimsy night dress and her condition was obvious in her state of dress.

When the door chimed she called for him to enter and he walked in looking her over and noticing the baby bulge beneath her night clothes.

He went to open his mouth to ask her if she had made a decision but thought it better to wait until she opened the lines of communication.

"I've...I've decided to keep the baby, and I hope you'll be involved in its life."

He smiled, "I wouldn't have it any other way, but we still have a lot of stuff to work through Kathryn."

Kathryn simply nodded, "I know...but...I felt the baby move for the first time today." She paused staring into his somber obsidian orbs, "I obviously knew I was pregnant before, but now it feels more real."

Chakotay walked up to her and silently asked if he could lay his hand on his child.

She nodded and placed her hand over his. "I'm sorry Chakotay, you should have been here since the beginning; I shouldn't have blocked you out."

"And I shouldn't have done to you what I did to get you into this predicament."

Kathryn shook her head, "You can't even say it can you?" She shook her head, "You raped me and you violated me, and even though I know it wasn't really you, you did it."

"Kathryn -"

"You say you wouldn't have done it in your right state of mind, but those feelings and impulses had to be somewhere in your brain or it wouldn't have happened at all."

Chakotay was speechless, "Kathryn, I never would have hurt you intentionally: I love you -"

"They're just words Chakotay that's all they are. We have to talk through this and work through it, and words like I love you and I need you are just words. They don't stop the feelings of hurt and resentment and betrayal."

Chakotay let his jaw drop open, "Kathryn, I want you to feel safe and secure with me."

"I need time Chakotay."

"That child is going to speed it up and bring it out of your control whether you want it to or not."

"That's enough Commander!" Her voice softened, "I'll see you on the bridge tomorrow."

Chakotay was speechless as left Kathryn behind to the privacy of her thoughts.

[0200 hours - Chakotay's Quarters]

Chakotay tossed and turned in bed. He had seen Kathryn ripe with his child and he had wanted nothing more than to hold her, touch her, be hers...but that was not her wish at the moment.

He loved her but her words rang out in his mind.

 _'They're just words Chakotay, they don't stop the feelings of hurt and resentment and betrayal.'_

He drew in a deep breath; they had to deal with this.

He found himself on the way to sickbay his feet leading him somewhere he could maybe get some answers.

[0230 - Sickbay]

Chakotay came sailing through the doors of sickbay. He wasn't sure what had brought him here, but something had. He had been drawn to the sterile operating theatre.

And there on the bed: lay Kathryn.

She appeared to be asleep and the doctor looked at him begging him to stay quiet. "Commander, I'll speak with you in a minute."

He appeared as if he was doing intricate work to Kathryn with the tiny laser focused on her abdomen. "Is she okay doctor?"

"I said I'll speak with you in a minute."

Chakotay backed off and went to sit on the biobed in the corner, leaving the doctor to his work.

Twenty minutes later, the doctor came towards Chakotay. "I know you are aware of the Captain's condition, and I know the child is yours.

Chakotay nodded, "I need to know what was happening, what were just doing to Kathryn?"

The doctor paused unsure if he should answer, "You know about the crazy gene...I was disabling it in the baby."

He looked at the doctor, "That gene only runs in the males of the family does that mean that Kathryn is carrying my son?"

"I think you should talk to the Captain when she wakes up about his...not me."

Chakotay was frustrated, "Damnit that's my baby too!"

"I'm sorry Commander, but it's her you have to talk to: not me."

"Computer deactivate EMH." And the doctor disappeared.

Chakotay walked over to Kathryn's bedside and pulled a chair that way, taking her hand in his. "I'm sorry Kathryn. I never meant for it to be this way."

He let a couple of stray tears fall down his face, "I just want everything to be okay with you and the baby." He laid a hand on her belly, "I never meant to hurt you the way I did: I'm sorry."

He laid his head on the side of the bed and felt her warmth next to his face. He looked up and saw her beautiful porcelain skin glowing in the darkness of the sickbay. He pulled his head up and stared at the bulge lying just beneath the blanket and her sickbay gown. "If you give me a chance: I'll never hurt you again."

The doctor reactivated himself and slowly peeked around the corner. He had heard all of the Commander's askance, as well as the Captain's speaking about what he had done to her during the takeover by the 'Maquis' during Teero's brainwashing.

He sighed; the command couple was in for a lot of healing but when it was done he was sure that the couple would make their relationship all that much stronger.

[Chakotay's Quarters - 3 Days Later]

Chakotay had waited and cried with Kathryn for 4 hours, when the doctor had finally told him that enough was enough and that he had to go back to his quarters.

For the past two days while Kathryn recuperated, Chakotay had minded the store so to speak.

The sad looks on Tom and B'Elanna's faces and the confused look on Harry's had told him all he needed to know.

He had not heard from Kathryn herself even though he knew that she had been released to her quarters two days prior.

He had passed on his genetic default to the child he had created through a life he no longer lived.

Chakotay sighed, and heard his commbadge beep. "Chakotay here."

He heard the tired and sad voice of Kathryn Janeway over the line, "Chakotay could we meet in my quarters for dinner?" She paused as if waiting for an answer, "We have a lot that needs to be discussed, and I have to apologize to you."

Chakotay paused, "Sure Kathryn, any time. I'll be over shortly."

Chakotay sighed; she had handed him an olive branch. He changed out of his uniform and put on a pair of loose-fitting black slacks, and an olive green shirt.

He hoped they would be okay; their son needed them to be.

He walked out of his quarters and made his way next door to visit Kathryn.

He buzzed for entrance and the doors opened revealing Kathryn in a blue velvet dress that was no longer hiding the pregnancy, but rather showing it off with class.

He walked in and smiled at the woman he had loved for it felt like his whole life.

He raised his arms and put his hands out to her. She took them and led him over to the couch. On the coffee table was a bottle of champagne. "I need to make this a fresh start for us Chakotay. We have to talk about what happened and then we have to move into the future...together."

Kathryn gave him a sad smile. "I'll try my best Chakotay, but we have to talk through everything that happened." Kathryn went to the replicator and went to take out the roasted vegetables that were in a large pot.

Chakotay's brain kicked in. "Here Kathryn, you shouldn't be lifting anything heavy in your condition."

Kathryn gave him the cloth to pick up the hot pot and pointed towards the replicator. "Thank you Kathryn."

She went and sat down at the table and uncorked the champagne. At Chakotay's curious look she stated, "Non-alcoholic."

Chakotay brought the dinner over and placed it on the table. "I thought you couldn't cook Kathryn."

She smiled a sly smile, "I never said I couldn't cook, I said I 'wouldn't' cook."

Chakotay nodded his head, "Fair enough."

They sat across from each other in silence. Finally Chakotay got up enough courage to talk to the woman who was carrying his child. "Kathryn, we have to get this out in the open; but before any of that, I need to make sure you understand that I never meant to hurt you."

Kathryn solemnly nodded, "But whether you meant to or not you did." She paused and drew in a deep breath, "I trusted you, I accepted you - despite the fact that any other Starfleet Captain would have thrown you in the brig - and I loved you. Loved you more than I ever showed or you ever knew. Our time on New Earth, rang as truth through my mind and my dreams."

"Kathryn -"

Kathryn put up a hand stopping his protests before they started. "When you came to me 'possessed' by Teero, and took me against my will it hurt me. It hurt me to the core and shook the balance that had been stricken by us over the years."

"I felt my life unraveling before me, and then when I found out I was pregnant; my deepest wish and my darkest nightmare had come true at once." She opened her eyes, brimming with tears and stared at him. "I had always hoped that we would one day get it right and that, one day maybe even have a child before it was too late...but this child," She placed a hand on her abdomen, "Was created through a brutal act of rape: and it took me this long to get my emotions in order."

He nodded but refused to say a word as she was obviously not done yet.

"It isn't this child's fault, and I won't treat him like an outcast or a bad decision. I love him already."

When she'd finally gotten it all out and Chakotay felt as if she was finished he walked up to her. Silently asking if it was okay for him to touch her and when she nodded he placed a hand on her belly. "Is he okay?"

Kathryn smiled and nodded with tears in her eyes. "I am sorry I didn't tell you about his 'faulty gene', I didn't want you to think that you'd dirtied our precious gift."

He nodded and walked up to hold her tight. He kissed her on the top of her head, "I love you Kathryn, and I love this little one; and it will all be alright."

END PART 1

TBC IN PART 2


	2. Chapter 2

Traitorous Love

Part 2

by: AW

Rated: M

December 2009

Disclaimer: We all know what goes here, I don't own them.

[8 weeks after Part 1]

Kathryn looked at Chakotay. It had been a couple of months since she and Chakotay had begun their travel into life as a couple and parenthood.

Chakotay had been absolutely great for Kathryn, always taking her needs into consideration first, always taking care of her.

If she needed to rest he would take the bridge.

There was something that was missing though; they had yet to break the final barrier.

Kathryn ran her hand over her five month pregnant abdomen and sighed. Although Chakotay did not push her, she knew he longed for the intimacy that other couples shared, especially those expecting their first child.

She had almost forgotten or buried the memories of that night, the night when their son had been conceived; but sometimes she couldn't help but think about it.

Sometimes she couldn't help but wonder if they were doing this because it was expected of them or because they loved each other dearly and wanted a life together.

Sometimes Kathryn didn't know.

Kathryn hit her commbadge, "Janeway to Chakotay."

Chakotay hit his commbadge. They had managed to fix their relationship to a certain extent, but something still wasn't quite right. Kathryn was still somewhat subdued. He sighed, "Chakotay here."

"I know we're both off today, are you coming with me to my five month appointment?"

"I'll be there; I wouldn't miss it for the world."

Kathryn heard the acceptance over the line and nodded her head to herself. He was trying if nothing else.

But she still couldn't forget…

[1600 – Sickbay]

Kathryn walked through the doors to sickbay and walked immediately up to the doctor. "Is the Commander coming?"

Kathryn shrugged, "He said he was, but we'll see."

Ten minutes later, a little later than she would have liked Chakotay entered sickbay. "Sorry I'm late; I had to take care of some business in engineering."

Kathryn nodded and the doctor helped her get on the biobed. "Why do they make these things so high?"

Chakotay smirked, "May I remind you that this was meant to be a battle ship not a family ship Kathryn. They probably never meant for pregnant women to have to get up on them."

Kathryn glared at Chakotay, and sighed.

The doctor approached with a scanner and began the examination. "Well everything looks okay, the baby is a little on the small side; but considering the Captain's not a big woman it could just be genetic."

He scanned again, "Would you like to see a holographic image of the baby?"

Kathryn drew in a deep breath and shied away, "I'm not sure I'm ready for that yet doctor."

The doctor nodded and looked at Chakotay who had his head down refusing to meet the doctor's eyes. "Well as long as everything looks okay with the baby."

Chakotay helped Kathryn off the bed and they headed for her quarters. "This is real Kathryn, it's going to happen and you're going to have to accept it."

She sighed, "I know Chakotay, I know...I just can't help but think about how this baby was created. Children should be created out of love not anger."

"But I love you, and this is the best gift you could give me."

Kathryn shook her head. "Do you realize that even though we've tried to bring our lives to a certain level of normalcy we haven't? We still haven't been able to cross that last barrier and love each other in body mind and soul." She closed her eyes as she said the last words to him that night, "And I'm not sure I can."

He approached her with tenderness in his eyes, "I'll give you all those things Kathryn, all you have to do is be ready and let me in."

She sighed, "Please go Chakotay."

Chakotay was speechless as he walked out of her quarters and felt his life falling apart before his very eyes.

He walked along the corridors of Voyager, nodding at the crewmembers that walked by him.

He felt so alone.

He felt so ashamed.

And hr felt so guilty.

He asked the computer for time. "The time is 2100 hours." The computer responded in its mechanical voice and Chakotay realized that he had been walking the halls of Voyager for more than four hours.

Finally he found himself outside the Paris quarters and knocked for entrance.

B'Elanna came to the door and answered, "Hello? Shouldn't you be with Kathryn?"

He had tears in his eyes and finally broke down, "She doesn't want me there B'E. She's hurting and I don't know how to fix it."

B'Elanna embraced him in a hug and let him cry it out. She had a feeling that while taking care of Kathryn, he hadn't allowed himself to break down, and he probably needed it.

He finally quieted down and went to sit down on the couch with her. Tom exited the bed room and quietly went to the replicator and ordered a cup of tea for Chakotay, hopefully it would calm his nerves.

"Why don't you start at the beginning Chakotay, and we'll go from there."

Chakotay accepted the cup of tea from the pilot and began his story. Telling how she let him come to the appointment, and it went downhill from there. "She doesn't even want to see a picture of our baby B'Elanna."

He let the tears flow again, "I love her so much, and I love what she's doing for me: carrying my child and letting me in." He paused looking up at the couple, "But there is always a barrier there, always a point at which she stops and closes down."

Tom piped up, "Don't you think you should be saying all this to her?"

Chakotay got angry, "You don't think I've tried?"

"Hey, calm down. I'm sorry things aren't going well, but you can't help her like this you know."

"I RAPED HER TOM." He yelled. "I raped her. I betrayed everything we'd built up over the years, and I'm not sure we can ever get it back."

Tom's mouth hung open, "I'm sure you –"

"You know she was right. I wouldn't have done it if somewhere deep down I didn't want to, maybe I'm not the kind, loving soul everyone thinks I am."

The Paris couple didn't know what to say.

Chakotay got up and stormed out of their quarters, unsure of where his life would take him.

END PART 2

TBC IN PART 3


	3. Chapter 3

Traitorous Love

Part 3

by: AW

Rated: M

December 2009

Disclaimer: We all know what goes here, I don't own them.

[Directly after part 2]

B'Elanna and Tom watched Chakotay storm out of their quarters, "You don't think he'll hurt her do you?"

B'Elanna stared at him, "I don't think so. I'm not even sure he's going to go and see her at the moment. I think he's more upset at himself than at her."

Tom nodded, "If he does anything to her I'll kill him: She's pregnant with his baby for god's sake –"

"Which was created through an act of rape. What the hell was that all about? Did you know anything about that?"

Tom shook his head, "Not really; I suspected given the timing...but it wasn't my place to snoop."

"Do you think the doctor knows?"

Tom sighed, he knew something but wasn't sure how much to tell. "I know she visited the doctor that night."

"So he knew and didn't do anything to prevent a possible pregnancy from an act of violence like that?"

"It's possible that the doctor didn't know it was non-consensual."

"Oh come on Tom, from what I heard he was none too easy on her."

He stared at B'Elanna, "It's not our place to get involved B'Elanna."

Tom tapped his commbadge, "Computer what is the location of Commander Chakotay?"

The computer paused as if seeming to think, "Commander Chakotay is in holodeck 1."

"Computer what program is running?"

"The program currently running is Sandrines."

He brought his face up to stare his wife in the eyes. "I'll go and talk to him, you go talk to her: find out what's going on."

B'Elanna nodded and exited their quarters. "Computer, is Captain Janeway asleep?"

"Negative."

B'Elanna smiled, *I need some answers*.

She sped up her pace and found herself just outside the Captain's quarters in less than five minutes. She rang and finally Kathryn answered the door.

"B'Elanna?"

She stared at her Captain and walked past her without being granted entrance. "We need to talk."

[Holodeck 1]

Chakotay had spent the last hour shooting pool and shooting back alcohol. He wanted to forget everything. He wanted to forget the pain he had put his love and future mother of his child through.

He wanted to forget how she had gotten there.

He just wanted to forget.

He heard the holodeck doors opening and spun around to see Tom Paris entering the holodeck. "Get out of here Paris."

"No!"

Chakotay walked up to him menacingly. "I said get out of here, I don't want to talk to anyone and I don't want to hurt you."

Tom laughed sardonically, "And we all know you're capable of hurting the people you care about don't we?"

Chakotay pulled his arm back and swung his fist at Tom missing as Tom ducked out of the way. "I think you'd be more precise if you weren't drinking." He looked at the inebriated Commander, "How much have you had Chakotay."

Chakotay growled, "None of your damned business."

Tom looked at him, "Hey Chief, she's all of our Captain; and therefore anything that happens to her that is bad is our business and affects all of us."

Chakotay got right into Tom's face. "You have no idea, and you'd better back off before I end up doing something we'll both regret tomorrow."

Chakotay stayed tall in Tom's face, and he didn't even flinch. "You're not the only one who cares Chakotay and you're not the only one who knows what went on; and I'm warning you, if you ever hurt her again...I'll hurt you and that's a promise."

"You think you're the big man do you Tom? Well remember who she chose to father her child."

Tom looked at him incredulous. "From what I heard, she didn't really have much choice in the matter."

Chakotay took a swing at Tom, and this time didn't miss. Tom put his hand up to his nose and felt the blood rushing down. "I can't believe it took you that many times to actually hit me."

And then he turned and left the holodeck.

Tom walked up to Kathryn's door; and buzzed for entrance.

Kathryn answered looking a little worse for wear. B'Elanna saw her husband and was horrified when she saw the blood scarring his blond perfection. "What happened?"

"Let's just say Chakotay got a little pissed, but better he hits me than her." Tom pointed at Kathryn.

Kathryn shook her head, "He'd never hit me."

"I didn't think he'd actually hit me either."

Kathryn glared at Tom and then turned to B'Elanna begging her to speak to her husband.

B'Elanna walked up to her husband, "Go to sickbay and get the doctor to look at that, Kathryn and I still need some time."

Tom nodded and left the quarters.

The doors closed, leaving the women staring at each other in some ways unsure of what to say or how to approach the moment.

B'Elanna walked up to Kathryn and hugged her. "I don't know if anyone has told you yet: But I'm so happy for you."

Kathryn wiped the tears out of her eyes, "I don't think I've even allowed myself to be happy."

The girls collapsed into a heap on the floor, each drawing strength from the other. "I'll be here for you no matter what happens."

Kathryn smiled through the tears and looked at her, "You don't know how much that means to me."

B'Elanna grinned, "I think I do. I'm hoping you'll be my daughter's god mother."

Kathryn covered her face with her hands and nodded. "I think you'll make the best mom ever B'Elanna."

She smiled, "And hopefully, you'll be there to join in."

END PART 3

TBC IN PART 4


	4. Chapter 4

Traitorous Love

Part 4

by: AW

Rated: M

December 2009

Disclaimer: We all know what goes here, I don't own them.

[2 weeks after Part 3]

Kathryn sat on the bridge. She looked to Chakotay. They had not managed to fix anything after the blow up two weeks ago.

He stayed in his old quarters now. There was no 'couple' at the moment.

Kathryn sighed. "Tom what's our course and speed."

"Heading 3465.47, warp 6."

"Thank you Mr. Paris." She paused, "How's B'Elanna doing?"

Tom looked as if he hasn't slept in a week. "Morning sickness, bitching about bloating...you know the story."

Kathryn smiled, "Intimately."

Tom laughed, "I should talk to Chakotay about this."

Kathryn's demeanor changed immediately. "I'm not sure he'd have much to say about it. He wasn't there to experience it." She turned to Tuvok, "You have the bridge Commander."

Kathryn walked into her ready room, and broke down. Life wasn't fair: Tom and B'Elanna were experiencing what Chakotay and she should have all those months ago – instead, here she was alone.

She sighed and placed a hand on her belly feeling her son moving. *I wish Chakotay was here to experience this with me.*

She sighed and went back to her computer terminal reading report upon report.

[Chakotay's Quarters]

Chakotay had been more than depressed since he had felt his life unravel at his own stupidity.

He had heard that B'Elanna was pregnant too, so at least Kathryn would have someone to talk to about all that she was experiencing because he was sure it wasn't him that she wanted to share it with.

He sighed and wished he at least had a picture of the baby that she carried, his son.

Life wasn't fair.

[Ready Room]

Kathryn had finally finished her duty as the Captain and completed going through all the reports, and there were a lot of them.

She sighed and stretched her aching back: This pregnancy was going to kill her.

She got up and stared at the chronometer. 2000 hours, 2 hours after her shift ended.

She went to the bridge and saw the Delta Shift staff around her, no familiar faces: except Chakotay.

He had begun working opposite shifts than her after that night, and for that she was sad, and at the same time grateful.

She glanced at Chakotay – father of her child – and stated that she was leaving the bridge to him.

She went back to her quarters and cried.

This is not the way children were supposed to be brought into the world: but then again this was also not the way children were supposed to be conceived.

She walked into her bedroom and looked at herself in the mirror staring at the image she made.

She closed her eyes and all she could think of was Chakotay standing behind her his arms around her ever-expanding belly.

That's where he should be, not in the quarters next door.

[Bridge]

Chakotay turned to the lieutenant manning tactical. This wasn't his normal shift, this wasn't where he belonged. "Lieutenant you have the bridge."

"Yes Commander."

Chakotay was due for a break, and he needed a coffee. *Looks like something she taught me rubbed off.*

He walked to the mess hall and sat down to grab a cup of coffee and contemplate his life.

Things were bad. Stuff just wasn't going as it should for someone supposedly in a relationship expecting his first baby, but he supposed it was what it was and at this point...he had to let Kathryn make the first move.

He finished his coffee and was about to vacate the mess hall and make his way back to the bridge when Kathryn walked into the mess hall.

She froze.

He stared at her. My god she was beautiful: He loved her.

He walked up to her, his heart on his sleeve. "I'm sorry Kathryn."

She turned to walk out of the mess hall but not before stating, "So am I."

He reached out and grabbed her arm. "You should be sleeping."

Kathryn glared at him, "You have no right to tell me what I should or should not be doing; you lost the right."

"Did I ever have it?"

She laughed, "You might have if you hadn't acted like such an ass."

Chakotay shook his head, "Kathryn I never would have been able to tell you anything no matter what the situation or what your condition."

Kathryn got mad, "My 'condition' is pregnancy: and it is your fault."

Chakotay's eyes glazed over. "I need to get back to duty Captain. Excuse me."

Chakotay dumped his cup in the recycler and made his way out the door.

Kathryn leaned on one of the tables and put her head in her hands. *Why do I always do this? I know I'm going to need some help when the baby comes.*

That's what friends were for though wasn't it?

Yeah but even more importantly; that's what a dad is for.

END PART 4

TBC IN PART 5


	5. Chapter 5

Traitorous Love

Part 5

by: AW

Rated: M

December 2009

Disclaimer: We all know what goes here, I don't own them.

[Directly after Part 4]

[Janeway Quarters]

Kathryn lay back in bed and thought.

More times than she cared to admit she had run her hand over her commbadge thinking she should call Chakotay.

More times than that, she had stopped herself.

 _Kathryn cried._

 _Kathryn wondered._

 _Kathryn prayed._

Was it fair to raise this baby without his father? On the other side of the coin, was it fair of him to have put her in the position of having this baby?

On the other hand, was it right for Teero to have put him through this?

Was it always his intention to have her no matter what?

All the thoughts that were cramming her head confused her. She needed clarity, she needed time and she needed to think.

Kathryn was about to abort her – must have been 15th attempt to stop herself from contacting Chakotay – when she decided it was time to get it out in the open with the father of her child. "Janeway to Chakotay?"

"Yes Captain, what can I do for you?"

"What time are you done your shift?"

"In about half and hour."

Kathryn smiled, *Perfect timing.* "Can you meet me in my quarters when you're done the shift please?"

Chakotay smiled to himself hoping it was good news, "Yes Captain. See you soon."

Kathryn sighed and knew that this was something she had to take care of ASAP.

She placed a hand on her abdomen and felt her son moving. *I'm so sorry baby; I never meant for it to be this way, and I don't think your father did either.*

And she sat and waited.

[Bridge]

Chakotay was lost in though. Kathryn was reaching out to him, all he had to do was accept the token.

 _He loved her._

 _He needed her._

 _He wanted her._

But all these things were secondary at the moment to the health of Kathryn and the baby.

 _They had to be._

 _They needed to be._

 _They were._

Chakotay sat and bided his time. Ten more minutes and then he could go visit Kathryn and hopefully life would be back to normal.

Although he wasn't sure what normal was at this point?

Finally the shift ended and Chakotay got up from his seat. He walked to the turbo lift and gave the bridge to the beta shift commander.

He entered the turbo-lift and slapped his commbadge. "Chakotay to Janeway."

"You coming?"

"I'm on my way."

[Janeway Quarters]

Kathryn had just heard from Chakotay, he was on his way.

Was she ready for this?

She looked down at her very pregnant belly, *Better now than after the baby is born.*

She paused and heard the door chime. "Come."

Chakotay breezed through the doors and smiled at his would-be lover. "Kathryn, thank you for meeting me."

Kathryn nodded, "We have to do this sooner or later, and it has to turn out better than the last time." She scrunched up her forehead, "I was the one who asked you here."

Chakotay laughed, "Always have to have the last word don't you Kathryn?"

He walked up to her, "Look at you, it's been almost a month since I've seen you –"

"- And I got fat, I know."

He looked her up and down, "Not fat: pregnant; and just more beautiful."

Kathryn felt her resolve crumbling. She loved this man whether she wanted to admit it or not and she could get over his mistakes...she had to for her son.

She slowly approached him and put a hand up to brush the tattoo on his forehead, "You know I've always dreamed of doing this."

He smiled and his lips descended hers. He pulled away, "And I've always dreamed of doing that."

She smiled, "You're not the only one."

She gently grasped his hand and led him into the bedroom. "I know we've done this before." She pointed to her distended abdomen, "But I'd like to do it at least once before he's born of our own accord."

He smiled, dimples showing and slowly nodded. She was coming to him willingly and he could not ask for more.

END PART 5

TBC IN PART 6


	6. Chapter 6

Traitorous Love

Part 6

by: AW

Rated: M

December 2009

Disclaimer: We all know what goes here, I don't own them.

[Continuation of Part 5]

Kathryn leaned back as Chakotay stared at the beautiful woman before him. He ran his hands down her sides, coming to her stomach, relishing in it's beauty.

"So beautiful..."

Kathryn smiled and grabbed his hand placing it on her belly, feeling their son move in tandem.

His hand rubbed up and down the beautiful mound of her abdomen, tickling and making her feel loved and worshipped.

She moaned as the feelings continued. He made his way under her belly, ripe with their child and continued down until his hands played in her curls.

"I've only done this once before, and you weren't willing, now's the time to remember."

She sighed as the feelings continued. "I love you Chakotay."

He grinned and showed off the dimples she loved so much. She grabbed his hand and placed it on her breast, readying for the child that she would bear him.

He slowly massaged the gorgeous mounds and soon found their peeks, tepid and red waiting for his commands.

Finally, his mouth descended and she let out a screech of delight at his movements. "Oh God, YES!"

Finally the movements slowed and he licked his way down her body, slowly making his way to her engorged sex and Kathryn thought she had died and gone to heaven.

Finally he looked up at her, eyes closed, waiting for the final moment. He brought his face up to hers and forced her to open her eyes and stare into his.

The lust in her eyes was all the acknowledgement he needed, but the need for words from him was overwhelming. "I want to look at you when I enter you and know what you look like when your orgasm overcomes you."

Kathryn unable to speak nodded and he slowly entered her filling her to the hilt.

The sigh of contentment made him love her even more.

As he continued, he remembered once again why he loved this woman so much.

He'd wanted her willingly for so long and now he had her.

She screamed out as her orgasm tore through her and she felt his seed fill her.

She smiled in contentment and wished for this moment never to end.

He curled up behind her flaccid and spent and hand around her belly fell into a deep sleep.

[1000 next day]

Tom spied around at the 'Command Couple'. Something was different, something had changed.

There was a peace on Chakotay's face that he had not seen there in a long time.

Then it occurred to him. "You sly dog."

Chakotay looked at him shocked. "You bagged her didn't you?"

Chakotay was speechless. Kathryn was fuming. "Enough Lieutenant."

Harry was turning bright red before them and refused to open his mouth to comment on Tom's candor.

Kathryn was getting redder by the minute and Tuvok decided to stop it right there. "Mr. Paris, the Captain's sex life is really not an appropriate topic for the bridge."

Kathryn's mouth hung open. "My sex life Tuvok?"

"A matter of record considering your current state."

Kathryn took in a deep breath, "I'll be in my ready room; Commander you have the bridge."

[Ready Room]

Kathryn breezed through the doors attempting to look together for the bridge crew, as she passed into her sanctuary.

Upon entering the ready room she unceremoniously flopped on the couch mumbling, "He's never going to let me forget this. I'm going to kill Tom."

She drew in a deep breath forcing her to get herself together. She hit her commbadge. "Lieutenant Torres, can you please report to my ready room."

"Yes Captain, give me ten minutes."

"Thank you B'Elanna."

12 minutes later B'Elanna commed Janeway at the ready room door.

Kathryn called for her entrance. "You're late Lieutenant."

B'Elanna looked at Janeway trying to figure out if she was kidding or not. "Sorry?"

Kathryn let out a small smirk. "Kidding B'E; I'm going to kill your husband by the way."

B'Elanna rolled her eyes, "What did that moron do this time?"

Kathryn glared at B'Elanna, "That jackass had the nerve to question my sex life on the bridge."

B'Elanna's jaw dropped open, "And then."

"And then Tuvok decided to use his logic to state that, and I quote: 'A matter of record considering your current state'."

B'Elanna's eyes got large, "Are you kidding me?"

Kathryn closed her mouth and shook her head. "Nope."

"I know that things have had to become more lax because of our situation, but we can't run this ship like this. I need you to talk to Tom and tell him that things like that are inappropriate."

B'Elanna nodded and left the Captain's Ready Room.

Kathryn drew in a deep breath and hit her commbadge. "Janeway to Chakotay, can you please meet me in my ready room."

"Yes Captain."

*Well at least he's keeping things professional.*

About two minutes later Chakotay walked into the ready room. "Captain."

Kathryn sighed, "Chakotay that little incident on the bridge, just told me that my first instincts were right. I can't let this ship fall apart; I can't let personal relationships thrive."

Chakotay stared at his pregnant captain, "Whether you like it or not, this baby is creating a new situation on this ship. It's telling people that it's okay to go on with their lives far from Earth. Yes, what Tom did was inappropriate, but you have to let the crew go ahead with their lives."

Kathryn glared at him, "I can't believe you'd support that."

"I can't believe that you can't see that this is a new situation. Babies are going to be born; people are going to pair off. Life will go on." He paused, "That conversation we had all those years ago about people moving on and it being possibly necessary for the crew to reproduce if we're going to get back to Earth: It's happening, and there's really nothing we can do about it. We'll keep the crew under tow so there are no more incidents like Tom on the bridge today, but you have to let them live their lives: and you have to live yours."

Kathryn bowed her head, "I can't Chakotay; I'm not sure how to be a 'wife' and a 'parent'. I've been Starfleet and nothing else for so long that I'm not sure how to be anything else."

Chakotay smiled and laid a hand on her belly, "I never said anything about 'wife' Kathryn, but you are going to be a parent. This is going to happen and maybe sooner than you'd like; but it will happen."

"I know Chakotay, but how do I do that and stay as a Starfleet Captain?"

"The same way you've always done it."

Kathryn gave him a crooked smile, "You have far more faith in me than I have in myself Chakotay."

"And all of it's deserved."

Kathryn smiled, "I wish I was as confident in that statement as you are." She shook her head, "Send Tom in, we need to have a chat. This is where it's going to begin."

Chakotay nodded and turned to leave the ready room. "Kathryn, before I go: I need you to know that I love you."

Kathryn nodded and made a gesture with her hand for him to leave.

[Bridge]

Chakotay walked up to Tom and tapped him on the shoulder. "The Captain would like to see you in her ready room."

Tom drew in a deep breath. "Oh boy, I'm in trouble aren't I?"

Chakotay pursed his lips and nodded. "Just a little bit, and here's a suggestion for you: Don't question the Captain's sex life again."

Tom looked nervous, "Right."

Tom got up and headed towards the ready room. He stood outside with a look of fear on his face. He said under his breath, "Oh, boy."

[Ready Room]

Kathryn was sitting on the couch waiting for Tom to join her, she had to stop this now.

The door chimed and Kathryn called, "Come."

Tom walked into the ready room, "You wished to see me Captain?"

Kathryn glared at Tom, "I need you to stop it Tom. What you did on the bridge was totally unacceptable."

He stared at her, "Yes ma'am."

Tom nodded and Tom stared at her. "Dismissed Lieutenant."

Tom was going to leave when he turned to stare at her. "If I may say so, I think that you and Chakotay are good together."

"Thank you for your opinion Tom, but what happened on the bridge today can't happen again."

Tom nodded and left the ready room.

[Paris Quarters 2000 hours]

B'Elanna heard Tom come through the doors. "You dick!"

Tom held his hands up in a surrender motion. "I'm sorry whatever it is."

"How could you say those things to her at all, but you did it on the bridge."

Tom sighed, "It was a joke B'Elanna, I was just trying to tell her how much happier she looked."

"She is having enough trouble dealing with Chakotay and this baby, she doesn't need you causing trouble."

Tom nodded because he knew she was right. "Listen, I've already been told by the Captain, and I swear to you now that I will never do it again."

B'Elanna nodded, "I guess that'll have to do."

He approached her and put his hand on the small swell of her abdomen, "And how are my two favorite girls doing today?"

B'Elanna glared at him. "We're doing fine I guess. At least the morning sickness is over."

"I'm sorry, I know you must sympathize with what the Captain is going through, but we have to stay out of this. For the moment it appears that Chakotay has won her over again."

B'Elanna went up to him and enveloped him in a hug. "Yeah, and I hope it continues: They need each other."

"I know, but we can't solve all the world's problems and Kathryn has to realize neither can she."

"Let's go to bed Tom, I'm tired."

He nodded and they proceeded to the bedroom for a good night's sleep

END PART 6

TBC IN PART 7


	7. Chapter 7

Traitorous Love

Part 7

by: AW

Rated: M

December 2009

Disclaimer: We all know what goes here, I don't own them.

[3 months after part 6]

Tom had stopped talking to and about Kathryn and for that she was grateful, she was now 4 days away from her due date and she had been relieved of duty.

Kathryn drew in a deep breath. She had been told to report to the holodeck and enjoy some time off, but the problem was because of the ion storm brought on by the anomaly 'Fair Haven' had become the only program being played.

She had become close friends with Michael and his wife Fanny, but they were simple folk.

They had loved the fact that Kathryn was expecting as they had never been able to have children of their own. *God Kathryn, they're holodeck characters.*

That holodeck program had kept Tom out of trouble, and she had to give him credit, it was a great program.

The child she carried had dropped low in her belly and she knew that it was not going to be long before he made his appearance.

Kathryn's back was killing her. She paused and decided it was time to go to the holodeck and get her mind off what she knew was going to happen in the next few days: possibly hours.

She walked through the holodeck doors: It was so beautiful here, she could almost lose herself.

She walked into Michael's bar and saw Fanny cleaning up the bar from the previous night. "Hello."

Fanny smiled at her, "Hello Katie; you're getting close."

Kathryn nodded, "Yes, too close: It will happens soon."

Fanny smiled a lovely smile at Kathryn, "The baby has dropped low."

"Yes, I know."

Fanny looked at her curiously, "Are you sure that you should be walking around?"

Kathryn giggled, "When it happens it happens, I can't stop it or start it. I will not stop my life because I'm about to have a baby."

Fanny laughed, "I understand, but as Michael says there are times when you have to take it easy and let life take it's course."

Kathryn smiled. "Understood; but I think I'll stay for a tea."

Fanny nodded and got Kathryn and herself a tea, then she sat down. "So do you think this one is a lad or a lass?"

Kathryn knew that at this point they didn't have the medical technology to tell the baby's sex, "I think it's a little boy; but Chakotay wants a little girl: I guess we'll see soon enough."

Kathryn gasped as she felt a pressure in her abdomen and then her water broke. She smiled to Fanny, "I guess we'll find out sooner than I thought."

"Katie, here let me help you."

Then the ship rocked, and Kathryn watched the lights in the holodeck go on and off. "Figures my child picks now to make his presence known."

The doctor walked into Sullivan's. He had just finished his sermon, "Captain, we seem to have a problem. The 'town's folk' think that we're demons."

Kathryn drew in a deep breath a rubbed her tummy, "I think at the moment that I have larger problems Doctor."

The doctor looked down and saw the puddle surrounding the Captain's feet. "I think we'd better get you to sickbay."

The Captain nodded, "That would probably be a good idea."

Just then Michael walked into the bar from the back room. "Katie, the Seamus and Milo, they seem convinced you and the 'Doctor' here and Tom and Harry, you're all devils."

Kathryn laughed, "Devils, surely you don't believe that do you?"

He pulled Kathryn out the door, "You're going to have to convince us all: Come here."

Kathryn's eyes grew wide. "Where are you taking me?"

"I think it's me and the town folk that should be asking the questions. Where did you come from? Why did you invade our village? And the biggest question: What's your real name?"

Kathryn's jaw dropped open, "We're not devils, and 'Katie' is my real name in a sense."

"Well we'll just have to see what everyone else thinks of that."

He forced Kathryn to sit on a chair next to Tom and Harry and tied her up. *I can't believe this, yet another reason to kill Tom.*

Finally the doctor was dragged to St. Mary's and tied up with the rest. It had been nearly an hour and Kathryn was unsure what to do at this point. She was not allowed to contact the bridge and stuff was spinning out of control for her.

She let out a scream, and Tom looked at her. "What's wrong Captain?"

She glared at him, "What do you think is wrong?"

"Now?"

"No next Thursday."

Seamus interrupted Kathryn's tirade, "Tell us the words. How do we banish the spirit-folk to the Other World? "

The EMH, in a sort of trance opened his mouth, "There is no Other World. Only Voyager."

Milo stared at the group, "Voyager?"

"Federation Starship, Intrepid class, registry number NCC74656."

Kathryn glared at him, "Shut up doctor." Kathryn screamed as another contraction ripped through her and brought the doctor out of his stupor.

The doctor shook his head, "Captain!"

"I need to get out of here now Doctor!"

Milo stared at Michael as he took the doctor's portable emitter, then he tore it off. "What are you doing, Sullivan?"

Michael pushed the button the emitter, and Seamus spoke up. "No man who's gone to the Other World has ever come back."

Kathryn screeched again, Michael looked at her. "I'll have Fanny stay with you Katie, she's delivered babies before."

Kathryn shook her head, "I need to get back to Voyager."

"How do I get to Voyager?"

The doctor before he had snapped out of his daze had managed to tell Michael what to do. He tapped the emitter and disappeared.

[Bridge]

Chakotay watched as 'Michael Sullivan' from Fair Haven appeared. "Michael?"

"So this is Voyager."

Chakotay nodded, "Have you seen Kathryn?"

"Katie?"

Chakotay nodded again, "Where is she?"

Michael smiled, "She's in good hands I left her with my Fanny. She's had lots of experience delivering babies."

"She's in labor?"

Michael nodded, "And by the sounds she was making it won't be too long."

Chakotay got scared for Kathryn. "I need to have her here with me Michael. That's my child."

Michael stared around the bridge, "What is this place?"

Chakotay was getting a little antsy with Kathryn in the holodeck in labor, "You've already answered your own question: this is 'Voyager'."

"And Katie is the Captain?"

"Yes, but I need to get to her now. I know there were problems in fair haven, and people thought we were the spawn of evil, is it possible for you to go and convince them that we're not and maybe I could get Kathryn and the doctor back."

[Fair Haven program – Holodeck]

Milo stared at Seamus, "How come Katie is in so much pain? I thought Fairies didn't experience pain like that."

"Because I'm in labor you imbecile."

Kathryn was panting, and Fanny stared at the woman. "It's okay Katie, you're doing fine."

Kathryn placed her hand between her legs and pulled it away covered in blood. "Oh god, can you untie our doctor please?" Kathryn was getting hysterical, she couldn't lose this baby.

Despite all that had happened her and Chakotay had come to the point where they were happy about the coming baby and happy about the relationship they'd built out of tragedy.

She sighed and felt an awful pain, more than just the burning of the child coming down the birth canal: this was worse.

Seamus finally let the doctor free and he came over to see the Captain. "We need to get her out of here now!"

The Fair Haven folks finally agreed and Tom called to B'Elanna for an emergency transport for Kathryn to sickbay and the doctor to be transferred there.

Kathryn opened here eyes once the pain had subsided and found herself in sickbay. "Doctor? What's wrong with my baby?" She saw the doctor working over her son who was oddly blue in color.

The doctor worked for half an hour on the baby, and finally called the time of death. Kathryn had not even gotten the chance to hear her son cry.

What had started out as a monumental mistake had turned to a gift, and eventually turned to a tragedy.

Edward would never know the world, and Kathryn's world had come crumbling down.

END PART 7

TBC IN PART 8


	8. Chapter 8

Traitorous Love

Part 8

by: AW

Rated: M

December 2009

Disclaimer: We all know what goes here, I don't own them.

[3 months after part 7]

Kathryn sat alone in her Ready Room. It had been three months since little Edward had entered and than vanished from the world.

She breathed in a deep breath hoping that might take some of the pain away of the loss she had been living for the past three months.

It did not.

Chakotay had rushed into the sickbay only moments after the doctor's proclamation of the end of their son's life and he had immediately had tears running down his face.

He had rushed over to Kathryn and embraced her and they had cried for the life that had never had a chance to be lived.

Kathryn cried for a baby she had never really had.

B'Elanna had two weeks ago given birth to a baby girl they had named Miral Kathryn after the two people they claimed had made the most impact in their lives.

Kathryn shook her head at the cruel ironies of life.

She had not wanted a baby, and the way in which the baby had been conceived had been a tragedy; but once she had felt the butterfly movements of the child within her womb she had fallen in love.

Kathryn heard the door chime and called for admittance. "Come."

Chakotay walked through the doors and looked at the forlorn woman in front of him. He handed her the duty rosters for the week and she simply nodded taking the padd in her hand.

"We can try for another baby Kathryn. The doctor said that after three months if we wanted to try again we could."

Kathryn numbly shook her head. "I can't go through that again Chakotay; it was a mistake the first time and this time probably won't be much better."

Chakotay attempted to stop her right there, "You don't know that Kathryn."

"Yes I do Chakotay, Captain's shouldn't have children or husbands or lives."

Chakotay shook his head, "Am I dismissed than Captain?"

"Dismissed."

And Kathryn was once again alone with her thoughts.

[Paris Quarters]

B'Elanna sat with little Miral and nursed her. Tom stared at her. "B'Elanna, what happened with Kathryn and Chakotay?" He paused, "I know we were all told that we were not to discuss it, but someone has to do something; have you seen her on the bridge lately? The light has disappeared from her eyes."

B'Elanna stared down at the child who had fallen asleep in her arms. "Are we sure that we can't do anything?"

Tom stared at her, "Maybe you can. I think that Chakotay is the key to this and you have been his best friend for a long time. I think you should talk to him."

B'Elanna looked down at Miral before taking her to the crib and putting her down for the night. "Okay I'll try, but no guarantees."

Tom kissed B'Elanna's forehead and whispered, "Thank you."

[Chakotay's Quarters]

Chakotay leaned back in his chair, wondering where they had gone wrong.

Yes losing Edward was a tragedy; but by all accounts it was not Kathryn's fault; it was not Chakotay's fault: It was just bad luck.

He had rushed to Sickbay when he had heard that Kathryn had delivered. He had been expecting to see Kathryn holding a new bundle of joy that he had been sure Kathryn was looking forward to.

Instead what he had walked in on was a horrific view.

Kathryn crying over the child that had died in her womb; blaming herself for something she could not control.

He had attempted to go over and comfort her, but all she had done was the typical Kathryn thing and pushed him away.

She had shut down.

She had not let him in.

And for that the couple and the crew both suffered.

He heard a chime at the door and called for admittance. He watched as B'Elanna walked through his doorway. "Hello?"

B'Elanna appeared as if she were getting her thoughts together; when finally she spoke it was about something that he had hoped that he wouldn't have to discuss with anyone let alone his former 'Maquis Engineer'. "You have to talk to her, you have to get her on track for the rest of the crew if not for herself."

Chakotay was angry, "And you don't think I've tried?"

"I'm not saying that Chakotay, what I'm saying is her mood is affecting everyone."

He stared at her, "You have no idea what she's going through, or what she went through B'Elanna. The three months have been horrible for her. She had finally accepted the baby and now she has nothing."

"She has you."

Chakotay looked strangely at B'Elanna, "I'm not sure even I can get her out of this slump. I had enough trouble getting through to her when we were in the Void."

"You have to Chakotay, you have to try. You have to make Kathryn whole again."

Chakotay stared at her, "I don't know how. She locked me out and I'm not sure I'll ever be granted entrance again."

B'Elanna rushed up to him and hugged him, "You will. I know you will and so do you and so does she; you just have to let her get over this first."

Chakotay nodded his head unsure, "I guess so...but I'm not sure if we can ever get over the loss of Edward."

B'Elanna saw the sorrow in her old friend's eyes. "You still love her don't you?"

Chakotay nodded with tears in his eyes. "I think I always have."

B'Elanna gave a little bit of a smile. "We all know what you did, and we all know you have to get over it. I think that the baby gave Kathryn a reason to get over it and now she's scrambling for reasons to still feel what she's feeling."

"B'Elanna. When did you become so smart?"

She grinned, "I guess you finally rubbed off on me."

And that was the moment that Chakotay knew what he had to do.

END PART 8

TBC IN PART 9


	9. Chapter 9

Traitorous Love

Part 9

by: AW

Rated: M

March 2016

Disclaimer: We all know what goes here, I don't own them.

Chakotay watched B'Elanna leave his quarters. He had to make Kathryn whole again she had said, it was affecting the crew.

He drew in a deep breath, there was really no choice it was something that had to be done.

He had to make her see.

He had to make her realize that this loss was a loss that the whole crew had felt because they had felt and seen the loss of the Captain.

Their Captain.

Their reason to believe that they were going to get home and even if they didn't they had to make Voyager home.

Edward had proved to the crew that even the Captain was trying to make this tin can home.

He walked next door to Kathryn's quarters and rang the chime. He waited there was no answer but the computer had told him earlier that she was not yet asleep.

Finally he used his override codes and entered the Captain's domain.

"Kathryn…"

She turned a sharp gaze towards him. "What do you want Chakotay?"

He saw tears in her eyes and realized she was looking at the one picture she had let the Doctor take of her holding Edward.

He sighed, "Kathryn do you know what B'Elanna just said to me?"

"What?" She stated impatiently. "What did B'Elanna say to you that was so important that you had to barge into my personal space?"

He stared at you the fire smoldering in his obsidian orbs. "She told me that the crew seeing you married and pregnant gave them a reason to move on. They were going to continue on their trek to the Alpha Quadrant; but if you could make Voyager home so could they."

"I –"

He stopped her before she had a chance to object. "She said that I had to make you whole again."

END PART 9

TBC IN PART 10


	10. Chapter 10

Traitorous Love

Part 10

by: AW

Rated: M

May 2016

The conversation came to a standstill as the Janeway women had just heard Kathryn's admition and felt sorrow and surprise. "What about the father Katie-did?" She heard Phoebe's askance.

Kathryn felt embarrassed. "He's my first officer."

The shock that showed on her mother's face was evident. "The Maquis?"

Kathryn nodded her head in embarrassment. "It was an accident; but once I felt him move…"

"Oh Kathryn, I'm so sorry."

Kathryn watched Phoebe run her hands over her belly feeling her daughter move. ""I'm going to name her Kate." She heard Phoebe explain.

Kathryn's jaw dropped open in surprise. "You don't have to do that Phoebes."

"I know but I want to."

The doors opened and Chakotay walked in, "Five minutes left Kathryn."

Kathryn nodded and looked back to her family.

"Is that him? I hope so he is absolutely scrumptious Kathryn."

Kathryn blushed and nodded. "That's him."

Her mother stared at her daughter's finger. "I don't see a ring."

"It's complicated mom."

She saw the screen begin to scramble. "Well I have to go mom, Phoebe. I love you I'll talk to you next month."

Kathryn kissed her fingers and waved bye to her mother and sister. The screen went blank.

Kathryn turned and left the astrometrics lab realizing that Chakotay had waited for her outside. It was true they were both off duty right now.

She approached Chakotay and raised her lips to his.

Chakotay jumped not sure what to expect. It had been so long since they were okay. "Take me home Chakotay."

He held out his hand to her and she placed her hand in his. "My quarters. I think I'm finally ready for us."

Chakotay nodded afraid to say anything and followed her to her quarters and hopefully their new life.

[4 months later]

Chakotay woke up and made his way to the living area of what had become their quarters over the past three months.

The crew knew them as a couple now and were happy for them.

He had last week asked if Tuvok would take command of the ship for a couple of days so that they could be married properly. Since Kathryn was the only person that was legally allowed to marry them, there had to be a temporary change of command for the wedding to be legal.

He had not formally asked Kathryn yet but they had spoken of marriage when she had first found out she was pregnant with Edward.

She had balked at the idea saying that she wasn't really prepared to be a wife and a mother especially considering the speed that it had all happened.

At that point she had said she wasn't even sure she could be a mother.

He had let it go, thinking that in the end if this was what she wanted they would make it to that point.

He hoped that today would be that day.

Kathryn awoke and noticed that Chakotay was not in her bed. She saw the light and knew that he was in the living area.

Kathryn got up and pulled on her house coat, walking up the replicator and ordering a coffee.

She heard an annoying beep. "Insufficient rations."

Kathryn let out a frustrated sigh. "I'm the Captain you'd think I could at least get a cup of coffee."

Chakotay head the grumbling and went to the replicator in the living room and stared at it. "Coffee black."

He knew he had the rations and was happy to share.

Kathryn walked out of the bedroom cursing her replicator. "Morning Chakotay."

She smelled the brew and stared at the cup. Her face lit up. "You didn't did you?"

She watched Chakotay nod. "I love you so much Chakotay."

"If I had've known six years ago that all it took was a cup of coffee we would have been an item sooner."

Kathryn shot Chakotay a death glare. "I don't think so; but it helps."

They both laughed and Chakotay reached behind the couch and pulled out a box. Her eyes got huge. "If you're going to do what I think you're going to do –"

Chakotay got on one knee and stared into her face showing her a lovely diamond solitaire. "Kathryn Janeway... will you marry me?"

Kathryn had tears running down her cheek as she nodded. "I can't perform my own wedding ceremony though."

"Already taken care of Kathryn. Tuvok will take command for a few hours and perform the ceremony then give command back to you and it will be legal. We'll officially be husband and wife."

She stared at him suspiciously. "You were awfully sure I'd say yes weren't you?"

He grinned, "Well you did say yes didn't you?"

Kathryn stared at the ring she now wore that told everyone she was his. She had been engaged before but had never felt the need to wear the ring.

They were both off today She got out of the sonic shower and got some casual clothes on.

"Doctor to the Captain."

Kathryn sighed and hit her combadge. "Yes Doctor."

"You have been putting off your yearly checkup for two months, I would suggest that since you are not required on the bridge today you pop by this morning and get the checkup taken care of."

Kathryn pinched the bridge of he nose. "Very well Doctor I'll make my way down to sick bay."

Chakotay walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around his fiancée. "Ring looks good on you Captain."

She laughed, "What can I say? My man has good taste."

"So what did the Doctor want?"

Kathryn sighed, "It seems that I have been putting off my yearly checkup since Edward was born."

He laughed, "I guess you'd better get that taken care of then. How long do you think it will take?"

She stared at him. "The checkup shouldn't take too long. I'll meet you in the mess hall in an hour."

Chakotay nodded. "See you then, and we can take care of planning our wedding."

Kathryn nodded and left their quarters.

[SICK BAY – 10 MINUTES LATER]

Kathryn breezed through the doors of sick bay. "All right Doctor let's get this taken care of."

The Doctor raised an eyebrow and stared at the ring adorning the Captain's finger. "I see the Commander finally popped the question."

Kathryn scrunched her face up in confusion. "How long has he been planning this? And how many people know?"

The Doctor stared at the Captain as he began scanning her. "Captain? When was your last menstrual period?"

Kathryn shrugged. "I don't know, I don't really keep track; and since Edward, they've been all over the place."

The Doctor stared at her, "Well it looks like you will be welcoming twins in about seven and a half months."

"What?"

"Well it seems that you ignoring my requests for a checkup had a curious side effect. After Edward was born it left you very susceptible to another pregnancy and since you no long had fertility suppression booster in your system and no back-ups since you ignored my requests for checkups you were left with a baby on the way."

Kathryn let her jaw drop open. "What about Chakotay?"

"You were the only woman he had eyes for and since you were pregnant he didn't feel it necessary to update his boosters."

Kathryn shook her head. "Thank you Doctor, I'll take everything under advisement."

With that she walked out of sickbay and made her way to the mess hall. "Oh and Captain no coffee."

Kathryn sighed. "Yes Doctor."

END PART 10

TBC IN PART 11


	11. Chapter 11

Traitorous Love

Part 11

by: AW

Rated: M

Date: June 2016

[DIRECTLY AFTER PART 10]

Kathryn trounced out of sickbay. She knew she had to meet Chakotay things were finally going better for the two of them and Chakotay had just proposed.

She'd said yes. Then she went to the Doctor for a checkup and had gotten surprised yet again by being told that they were going to be parents to twins in about seven months.

She sighed and went back to her quarters. She brought with her the bassinette that had been placed in storage in case it was ever needed again by her or any other crewman.

Kathryn sighed she honestly hadn't thought it would be her that needed it. She was the Captain she was 43 years old for god's sake. She had lost a baby not six months ago and her she was going through it all again.

This baby had to be fine – or rather these babies. She sighed and messaged the Doctor to have the second bassinette beamed to her quarters.

She paused; she had not even asked the sexes of the babies.

"Chakotay to Janeway."

She had forgot she was supposed to meet Chakotay in the mess hall. "Janeway here."

"You were supposed to meet me in the mess hall for dinner."

She shook her head. _Damn. I need to get him to my quarters._ "Chakotay something came up can you meet me in my quarters? I'll replicate dinner."

She heard a pause over the line and then, "I'll be right there. I guess a Captain's work is never done."

 _If only you knew._ She thought and then went to rearranging the living space so the bassinettes were not obviously visible but weren't hidden either.

She went to the replicator and ordered vegetable lasagna and heard the beep stating that it was ready. She pulled the food out of the replicator and set it on the table to get ready for her fiancé to get there.

She heard the door chime and went to answer it. The door opened and Chakotay sauntered in with flowers for her. "I wasn't in the mess hall I was in the airponics bay getting flowers for you."

She smiled and brought him over to sit down at the table where supper was served. "I thought you couldn't cook?"

She laughed, "I can't but I can sometimes get the replicator to agree with me."

Chakotay came to sit down at the table and looked across and saw the bassinettes. "Please tell me that you're not still worked up about losing Edward?" She drew in a deep breath, "I thought that we got it out of your quarters and into storage."

Kathryn drew in a deep breath. "We did but I went and got it today out of storage." She stared at him, "I think its time you move into my quarters."

Chakotay shook his head and stared at the place where the bassinette was sitting and just noticed that there was a second one. "Why are there two Kathryn? And why are they back in your quarters?"

She tilted her head, "Well they're back in my quarters because I'm going to need them in seven months, and there are two because I didn't want to put them both in the same bassinette."

Chakotay's jaw dropped open. "You're pregnant?"

Kathryn nodded and felt Chakotay lift her up in the air. "I love you Kathryn." He stared at his future wife. "And this time we did it right."

END PART 11

END TRAITUROUS LOVE


End file.
